Breaking News: Ganondorf’s Last Name Revealed
Nintendo, during its campaign, has stated time and time again that they are going to release the Ganondorf’s last name before the U.S. tax filing deadline of April 18th. Rachel Maddows was ready to do a 1-hour special releasing this name to the world. However, we here at GFN have just learned the missing link to unlock the mysteries of the world.
Ganondorf’s last name is…Dragmire. That’s right. Ganondorf Dragmire was once thought to be a person that would just live off a singular name like Prince, Madonna, Beyonce, Bono, Eminem, and Wong. Apparently, Nintendo has decided that adding his last name would make him feel more Gerudo.
For those of you who don’t know, the Gerudo are a tribe of thieves that are female-only. They are similar to Amazon women from Greek mythology, which will no doubt be visited with the release of the Wonder Woman film on June 2nd. Take that legend of Amazons and juxtapose them to the Gerudo thieves. In Breath of the Wild, if you are not one of them, you can’t enter the gates of Gerudo Village. They are normally dark-skinned with longer noses from the Hylians Gorons, Zora, or the Rito, but are still very beautifully designed with their own distinct form of clothing and relics. So how exactly does the last name Dragmire fit in?
After rolling “Dragmire” off of the tongue one hundred times in succession, it doesn’t sound Gerudo at all. When Link approaches a Gerudo person in Ocarina of Time, he gets thrown out of their fortress. If he approaches them at the gates, they call him a voe. As a matter of fact, when looking at the Gerudo language as a whole, the word Dragmire sounds too English from words like sav’aaq (hello) and sav’otta (good morning).
Could it be, that Ganondorf was adopted by someone with the surname Dragmire and twisted into evil? Only Nintendo knows…and maybe only a small population of the Zelda community really care.
Pete Taase once was a Sith Lord, but was brought back from the depths of dark side by his younglings and old VHS cassettes that require the tracking button to make the screen clearer to view.
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